Dear Expecting Momma,

You have spent close to 9 months making a child inside your body and chosen to give the child life. That is no easy task. Now, you are creating an adoption plan and I can only imagine that the first question in your mind is how to find a family that will love your child unconditionally. Over the past few years, effectively communicating that I can unconditionally love your child is something that words just don’t seem adequate to express. They say a picture says a thousand words…and this is the perfect picture to express just how much love I have in my heart.

Last week, my family welcomed my niece into our lives. This child is not from my body, but with all my heart, I love her unconditionally. Yes, I got to experience the fun stuff preparing for the baby like shopping, hearing her heartbeat on the ultrasounds and picking on her momma about foods to eat to induce labor. The fun stuff leading to her arrival is NOT why I love this child so much.

When her momma and I arrived at the delivery room last week, we were filled with anxiousness, nerves and overwhelming excitement. We talked about what she would be like. Her big brother was almost 10 pounds and we laughed about how this baby girl was going to have a big booty and may just outdo her big brother. We talked about how stubborn she would be because she wouldn’t let just anyone feel her kick inside her mommy’s tummy but we also talked about the noises coming from the ultrasound sounded like the beat of a drum and how drum lessons may be in her future. Wondering what this child would be like and praying for her future was a special time, but that is NOT why I love this child so much.

The conversations unfortunately shifted from the light-hearted chatting to a heart-stopping fear when both momma and baby got in trouble. We knew there would be unpleasant moments when we walked into that hospital and realistically knew we would have to ride the waves. I don’t know that I was emotionally prepared to see her mommas blood pressure crash, not hear the baby’s heart rate on the monitor and realizing that the machines were not picking up contractions anymore. A million scary “what-if’s” ran through my mind. The fear factor definitely hit Auntie Ton’s heart in those moments, but that is NOT why I love this child so much.

I’ve just shared some touching moments and was clear that those moments did NOT bring love into my heart for this child. Now, I will share what did bring love into my heart for this child. God! It’s that simple.

God chose my family to raise this child. By doing so, God chose me to be auntie Ton. Psalms 127:3 says “Children are a gift from the Lord.” God chose to bless me with a new niece and love her unconditionally…no matter what she looks like physically, no matter how stubborn she is now or later….no matter what problems arise…no matter if she isn’t from my body.

In the world we live in today, the word “love” is used so loosely and has lost its true meaning. We say we love hot dogs with as much enthusiasm as we say that we love our significant other and even worse, our children. I’ve always tried to be aware of the context in which I use the word love and this is no different.

When I say that I will love your child, its NOT because of what started the adoption journey, its NOT because of the image I have my head about what the child will be like, its NOT because of the the circumstances along the way.

Each year, in the US, there are approximately 135,000 successful adoptions. Because I’m a math nerd, that equates to just under a half million children that needed to find homes since I started pursuing adoption. As high as that number is, the number of adoptive families searching for their child is even higher. The chances of finding the perfect child for me to raise AND having you, the expectant mom, choose me and allow me to raise the child is so slim that I know in my heart that it can only be explained by the hand of God. I fully understand that this child is the most precious gift that you can give me, but he/she is also a precious Gift from the Lord. That is why I already have unconditional love for my future child.

All my love,

Tonya

PS… I’m sure my niece is ready to meet her best friend and “partner in crime” to tackle the world with…and that makes my heart smile.